Who did Billy Mays play for?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
