Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
