I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
