No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
