And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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