take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
