Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
