Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
