I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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