now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
