Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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