its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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