are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
