I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
