I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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