i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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