You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
