Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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