Do you still have your period?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
