We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
