if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
