I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
