Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
