He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
