I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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