watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
