Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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