just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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