you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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