You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize