I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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