My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
