Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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