If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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