I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
