i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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