No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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