they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
