i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
