all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
