You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm both gender and math confused
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize