Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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