cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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