Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
vagina is talking i cant
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
