The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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