i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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