Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
