I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
