Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
