She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
