if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
