After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
