I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
