There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
