I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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