Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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