Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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