if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
high people should be assigned attendants
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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