You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
