Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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