I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
