p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
