i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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