there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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